Ooh baby, I don't know why people want to be so unhappy. It is like they expect it, so that they can feel sorry for themselves. A type of recognition. "See I was right! Nothing can last!" I miss you so much and I just want to be with you right now. It is hard for me not to think about everything that has happened and wonder whether or not it is just too good to be true. I hope it isn't, but it just seems like every time I hope it just ends up falling apart.

I am almost afraid to feel anything. I just don't want to lose you, again. You are so wonderful! 

Now I know that this is going to sound silly, but I will tell you anyhow. 

Yesterday, I decided to look up a few people that I use to watch on tv when I was younger. You know, "teen idols" and such. One of my favorites was a guy named Jonathan Brandis. I really thought he was a great actor and person and he was really good looking. Well, when I looked him up, it said that he was dead! I was very shocked, so I Googled it. Apparently, he committed suicide. He tried to hang himself, one of his friends caught him, but not before it had done too much damage. He died in the hospital a little later because of the injuries he had given himself. I just wondered why he would do something like that. His career was flopping and I guess he was just so depressed he didn't feel like he had anything left. I got on a few different sites and one of them was just a bunch of different people talking about him. How nice of a person he was, etc. One of the people had contacted a celebrity station or something to inform them of his death and they responded back, "Who cares?" 

I think that is what got me so down. Just the fact that someone would be so cruel as to just not care about someone else's life. And I just wonder if maybe he had had someone there to support him and tell him that it was ok, and they loved him no matter what, if he still would have done it. I guess it just made me second guess my ideas about human nature. It was a little depressing. 

I'm sorry! I know this may sound ridiculous to you, but to me it was something that represented something more important. I believe that people were put on this Earth to discover and understand and help others to discover and understand, not be selfish and worry about silly, trivial things. To be there for reach other and love and care about each other. 

It just made me sad to think about all the people out there that have no one, but deserve to have someone there for them to care about them, and help them on their way to self discovery.

I love you, baby! I miss you soooooooooooo much!!!